Unemployment need not mean malnourishment

I have recently fallen victim to the arts cuts, and redundancy has meant that I have not bought myself a single item in weeks – including staples such as white chocolate. My appreciation is thus at an all-time high for the presents I continue to receive. 

This week I enjoyed my farthest-travelled blog-inspired gift: a white Tim Tam. I’ve never really understood why those who venture Down Under rave so vociferously about the biscuit. Before you get your knickers in a twist, yes I have tried one and still I ask you, is it really so different to a Penguin? Despite my cynicism, its white version certainly didn’t last long in my house – after all, I haven’t eaten in weeks. Hyperbolic assertions aside, the Tim Tam was surprisingly light, vanilla-y and ultrasweet – though admittedly not very chocolatey.

                              

Thanks to my just-returned-from-NYC big sister I also had the joy of experiencing, for the second time in my life, a transatlantic white Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, which was as outstanding as I remembered. In 41 days’ time I shall be making my own journey across the big blue, and for the sake of delayed gratification I had vowed to avoid American treats before then. But you know what they say about the best laid plans of white chocolate mice. One glance at the seductive packaging and I crumbled like an M&S white chocolate chip cookie (see previous entry). I’m fairly certain Freud would have done the same. Munching on this wonderful concoction, followed by a few pretzel M&Ms (I’d already broken my resolution so I thought I may as well go the whole hog, snout and all), I was reminded that I must make a more concerted effort to sample more sweet/salty combos. They are the future.

With the incessant praise I bestow upon the sweets of foreign shores, one could be forgiven for thinking me nothing but a xenophiliac, always craving that which is far away from our eccentric little island. In an effort to remain fair and unbiased, I will therefore reveal that another recent American gift left me decidedly underwhelmed.

Sadly, its branding serves as an omen, an answer to the question: “What can I offer you other than the bitter taste of unfulfillment?” 

On paper, this bar has everything: peanut and almond nougat, caramel and white chocolate (well, “white fudge”. Note to self: find out difference so as not to appear an uneducated buffoon). However, the proportions are all wrong and the main flavour crosses that thin but critical line between appetising almond and malicious marzipan. I do hate to sound ungrateful but then again Joe, what are you gona do, fire me?

And on that note I must return to the real world and find a job. Please send food.